What's really going on
by edward rocks jacob is a mutt
Summary: This is just a bunch of drabble on what each character really is thinking during the Twilight Saga.Very Bella/Edward centric. First Bella POV - slight angst. Read and review please.
1. BELLA post New Moon

Author's Note: this is just some drabble until I can get my story up.

Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer, if I owned it then Jacob would have died in Breaking Dawn.

Thoughts on twilight. Character POV

Chapter 1

Bella- Post New Moon

I've always thought about what might have happened if Edward hadn't left me. Would I be the same woman I am today? Probably not. I wouldn't have known what I would feel like if I ever left him. I would never have felt my soul die and disappear when he left me. I hated every moment of it, but now I am thankful for that opportunity.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, I know that is true now. Even when I thought that he hated me, I still could not stop loving him. It pained me to admit that to myself then, but Jacob was a good distraction. He made me forget the hurt Edward caused me unintentionally when he left me, something that I will always thank him for.

Jacob. When I first met him again after all those years I started to love him. Not like I love my Edward, but like Rebecca loved Jacob…as a brother. When he tried to kiss me after Alice told me that Edward, my Edward, was going to kill himself by signing a suicide warrant in Voltera, Italy I was confused. I wanted to get out of there. I knew that I loved him, but I was too blinded by my quest to forget everything Edward that I forgot to ask myself how I loved him.

Alice. She was there for me every step of the way. She was there when my leg broke and spared me the embarrassment of Charlie helping me wash myself in the shower. She was there for me when I jumped off that cliff and nearly died. She would treat me like a Barbie doll, but did it for my own good in a way. She even told me she would change me on that blasted flight to Italy to save the love of my life… Edward.

That is where I am now, half asleep on the way back to Forks, Washington. My adopted home, my chosen home. It's not just because of Charlie or getting away from Renee, it is being with the people I care about: Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Charlie, and to some extent Jacob. I hope Edward won't leave me now, I don't think that I could take it; I love him too much. I know he loves me but now thanks to that promise to the Volturi I will have to be changed. So even if he runs now, I will soon be able to follow.

I don't think that I can take this any longer. It doesn't matter now 'cause I'm drifting down a river, a river of forgotten dreams.

Authors Note: please read and review!


	2. BELLA post Eclipse

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephanie Meyer; if I owned it then Jacob would have died in Breaking Dawn.

Thoughts on twilight. Character POV

Just some more drabble.

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Chapter 2

Bella's POV – post Eclipse

I can't believe it. I'm engaged to the love of my life, Edward Cullen. I know that I said that I would never get married, but I felt that this was the moment, partly because he asked me right before they went into battle, but partly because I love Edward Cullen. And he was right. If I am willing to spend an eternity with him, marriage should be just a simple step right? So what if Renee and Charlie got married right out of high school just like us, this is different. It's not like my parents were vampires and one of them was going to change for the others; they have no right to tell me that this is just another chapter of my life and I will eventually hate him and want a divorce like they did.

Charlie. He doesn't know yet. I'm just glad that Edward can't die from a bullet wound. I think that Charlie might shoot Edward at the slightest mention of the _M_ word, marriage. There are so many things that could go wrong. I just miss Edward; after all that we went to today, I just want to make sure that my Edward is still all right. Unfortunately, Edward is still with Carlisle at Billy Black's house tending to a hurt Jacob. I wish that he would come back soon for two reasons. One, so we could tell Charlie together. Two, so I can cut all my ties from Jacob Black.

Jacob Black. I once loved him as a brother and maybe I still do, but no matter what I feel he cannot be part of my life anymore. After I get married, I will turn into a vampire no matter who has to turn me. The deal is that Edward, the man I love and will marry, will turn me at some point on our honeymoon. I think that it would be romantic and make the transition for those three long days in pain run more smoothly. True, I will be in pain, but having him bite me will make me remember why I am doing this… for love. However, no matter how romantic or how much love is behind the reason for me doing this, I will still become a vampire. A Cold One. A leach. A bloodsucker. And neither Jacob nor I will be able to stand the smell of each other. I will smell sickly sweet to him and he will smell disgusting to me.

I just hope that this will be a clean break for him, kinda like what Edward did to me. I understand why Edward did what he did when Jasper attacked me, but that doesn't mean that what I'm doing to Jacob now will hurt me any less. I hope that neither of my parents will blame me for breaking Jake's heart. Charlie might be mad, but I don't know what Renee will feel.

Renee. My crazy brained mother. I hope that she doesn't go off the handle when I tell her about my engagement to Edward. She was the one that drilled in my head from an early age that responsible women go to college before they get married. They have jobs and they most _definitely_ don't get married right after they graduate _high school_, barely even adults. I do _not_ want to call her right now, but I guess I'll have to after we tell Charlie. Did I mention how much I am thankful that my fiancée is bulletproof?

Fiancée, wow that's a strange word. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be calling someone my fiancée before I turned twenty-one. It seems so surreal, you know?

Anyway this is where I am, floating on Cloud Nine, drifting slowly down to Earth where yelling awaits us. I just want to float here a little bit longer before my world comes crashing down around me.

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Author's Note: Well here's part two. Hope you liked it. Please read and review. There's a tiny box down there that says Review Chapter. You know you wanna press it. Pretty please.


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